THINGS TO DO AT WALMART WHILE YOUR SHOPPING PARTNER IS TAKING THEIR SWEET TIME...
1. Get boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they don't realize it.
2. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of Mountain Dew on the floor, leading to the restrooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in housewares," and see what happens.
5. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn the volume to "10".
6. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
7. Put M&M's on layaway.
8. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
9. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed
and Bath.
10. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"
11. Look right into the security camera, and use it as a
mirror while you pick your nose.
12. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full
scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.
13. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
14. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.
15. Switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the restrooms.
16. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission Impossible."
17. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.
18. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna" look
with various funnels.
19. Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like "Pick me! Pick me!!"
20. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no! It's those voices again!"
21. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain
that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.
22. Go into one of the fitting rooms and yell real loud...
"Hey, we're out of toilet paper in here!" |
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The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they're going to be when you kill them. "I saw the funniest thing the other day. A white guy watching white people box. White guys can't fight! Black guys can fight. Puerto Ricans can fight better than black guys. It's like, the lower you go on the social latter, the better you fight. I mean, you know that for every Puerto Rican there's an American Indian ready to kick his ass!" Top Ten People Who Will Eventually Rule the World
(Besides Bill Gates)
10. Jesse Ventura - he won't be happy just ruling Minnesota.
9. The Brain (with little help from Pinky I might add).
8. Bill Gates "stepbrother", Gill Bates, who also is the
spitting image of Bill....
7. The Fox Network.
6. Two words: Telle Tubbies.
5. That evil, twisted, power hungry dictator: Baby Spice.
4. The "Viagra Inc." Owner.
3. That "Yo Quiero Taco Bell" dog.
2. That nerdy kid you always dissed in high school, and
never took his warning - "Be careful, I may be your boss, or
even the king of the world! hahaha! *Snort* haha!"
1. That little girl from the Pepsi commercials, mostly because she scares the living hell out of everyone. |
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